Curses

Author: Maidelyn F'Koff

Maidelyn's guide to cursing

Had a bad day? Don't worry! I'll teach you how to swear in any situation you may find yourself in!

Use flaming and bloody as often as you like, interspersed with any selection from the curses below. Don't confine yourself to the exact way the curses are written here, substitute fool for idiot, trolloc-loving for pig-kissing, wool-headed for goat-brained and you'll have an endless supply of curses!

Here are a few examples of how to curse appropriately to the situation :

Spilled your drink in the tavern - Burn me!

Someone else made you spill your drink in the tavern - Light burn you!

Someone else made you spill your drink on your favourite outfit - You goat-kissing idiot!

Someone else made you spill your drink on yourself in front of the Aes Sedai you were trying to impress - You flaming shadow-loving,blood-be-damned trolloc-kissing cretin!

A few curses to be going on with....

Shai'tan take you

Light-blinded idiot

Dragon-taken

Burn me/you/your eyes/hearts etc

Light blind you

Dragon-possessed

Light consume you

Mud-footed swineherd

Goat-brained lout

Light burn you

Half-wit looby

Woll-headed lummox

Haybrain

Blood and bloody ashes

Wool-brain

White-livered son of a goat

Shadow take you/your soul

Burn your soul for a craven heart

Muscle-bound cretin

Filthy pig-kisser

Bull-goose fool

Sheep swallop

Wool-brained mule

Burn my bones to ash

Bee-headed lunatic

Goat-kissing fool

Lump-eared sack of coal

Spavined mule

Pigeon-gutted sheep-stealer

Curses for a specific person/race

Gawyn- Bloody ox of a thimble-brained man

Perrin - Anvil-headed blacksmith

Rand - Wool-headed shepherd / wooden-headed numbskull

Mat - Young oakum picker

Sea folk - Daughter/son of the sands, bilge stone, fish-loving scavenger,

Berelain - Lightskirt, twitchskirt

Curses used by.....

Birgitte - Mother's milk in a cup

Sea folk - Cringing sandlappers

Forsaken - Bajad drovja, Kjasic flyspeck city

Anyone who doesn't like Rand - Dragon-taken, Dragon-possesses

Darkfriends - Light-blinded fool

Now Mat has used too many curses to be listed here but I think the best is - Sheep swallop and bloody buttered onions

My favourite quotes

Mat - "Blood and ashes! Does it have to be that flaming way every flaming time? It was just a bloody itch!"

Uno - "Burn me for a sheep-gutted farmer, but she's flaming well brave enough for a bloody queen!"

Mat - "If the pig-kissing bowl is in the Rahad, how am I supposed to find it on this flaming side of the river?"

Harnan - "...don't care what the flaming fishseller said, you goat-spawned toad, you use your bloody club and don't go accepting flaming challenges just because-"

Mat - "Bloody fool, bloody city, and bloody ta'veran.....bloody everything!"

Mat - Hold your tongue about Aes Sedai, you flaming penny-grubber, or I'll peel you and stuff a whitecloak down your bleeding gullet!"

Mat - "Unhand me you white-livered sons of goats!...Burn your eyes! The shadow take your souls, loose me! I will have your guts for a saddle girth!"